i showed u my show do u still think I'm hot: friends, mentors, collaborators

Though it was me and Haeyoung at the heart of this project, and the work was about the encounters between me, her, and our puppet, there were other people that were key to its development. They encountered the work as it was, where it was, giving us invaluable feedback and advice, and it’s not right to talk about the project without discussing their contributions and how they helped shape the work.

I cannot begin to describe the contributions that Haeyoung made to this project – but as she is an MFA, and had no obligation to be part of an MA SIP, I have included her below.

  • James was our production manager. Pretty early on, however, we spent an extended period of time together in the tech box of the New Studio teching David (of Dead Men)'s interim sharing. We found that we got on really well, and had a lot of overlap in our artistic interests. I think because of this, I often found his feedback and thoughts on the work very pertinent and helpful – he seemed to very quickly grasp what Haeyoung and I were trying to achieve and explore with our work, and articulate what was and wasn't landing in a manner that I struggled to. James was incredibly generous with his feedback and time throughout the process.

    We'd already decided we wanted to use the radio by the time our interim came around, but it was James' excitement about the relationship between the radio and the PA system that pushed us to make the radio as crucial a scenographic object as it was to become.

    Above all, I think I recognised some of myself in him, in his artistic values, his outrageous nicotine habit, how he said yes to too many things, and his over-wordy explanations. As such, I realise in hindsight that James bore witness to a process of personal growth and commented on it in the same way I would have done, if I was outside looking in. He was a kind of touchstone throughout the project. I don't think he will ever realise this, but I am deeply grateful for it.

    I consider James a friend now, and am very happy to have met him. I'm hoping to work with him again in the future.

  • Claire is an MFA student that I have always loved working with and chatting too. At the beginning of the MA SIPs, she explained that she would be away for much of the summer and so wasn't able to fully commit to any projects, but would love to stop by rehearsals and be an outside eye any time we'd like.

    We took her up on this, as Claire is both an excellent director and very movement-orientated in her practice – something that neither Haeyoung or I consider to be great strengths of ours. Claire provided us with huge support and inspiration in creating both the dance sequence towards the end of the piece and the repetition section in the middle.

    Claire worked with us on embodying the emotional journey of the characters through movement exercises, which provided a lot of really beautiful moments and images we incorporated into. The dance and the repetition. It helped Haeyoung and I better understand the dynamics of our characters at various points in the piece, and I think was invaluable in creating what I feel to be some of the most powerful images and sequences of the piece.

  • As well as listening to me talk endlessly about the project when I was at home, Alex came to several rehearsals to act as a dramaturg. He specialises in modernism and 20th century literature, so had an excellent eye for the more experimental form elements we were exploring.

    Alex would often throw rogue ideas or exercises at us during rehearsal, or suggest an entirely new approach to a scene when I was working through sticking points at home. Two particularly memorable examples: when I realised we had no way to end the piece that could possibly resolve the story we'd created, Alex spoke about some of faulkner's fabulistic tendancies, and suggested we explored an ending that transcended the claustrophobic and deeply specific domestic space. When working on scene four and the moments leading up to the first puppet reveal, he asked what would happen if the cupboard was full of a ridiculous amount of pasta. I think he was riffing on the work I'd done in Practices, a song by Angie McMahon, and the hat sequence from Waiting For Godot, but it worked – he tried various stylised and differently intentioned versions of the pasta sections with us, helping us situate the metaphor and expression of that idea firmly in our work.

    Alex also knew the story I wanted to tell better than anyone. He knew me six years ago. You won't ever read this, but I love you.

  • Jemima was our term four mentor. Though we only met her three times, her feedback and observations were invariably astute and specific and picked up on things that Haeyoung and I had ceased to notice, having been inside the work for coming up to four months.

    Jemima was the first person to question if our characters loved each other. This question, and the wider question of the relationship between the characters, was something we returned to often. We knew the characters loved each other – but something about that wasn't communicating to the audience. At times, feedback suggested that one of the characters was 'bad' or 'in the wrong' – something we absolutely did not want to portray.

    I sometimes felt that confusion around the relationship between the characters was coloured by some unconscious homophobia – I distinctly remember at an early sharing being told that the work had made the commenter think of Gavin and Stacy, a comment I still attribute to confusion over perceiving a romantic relationship and not being able to parse it. Neither Haeyoung or I could see any other resemblance to the show in what we'd shared, other than it being a couple in a domestic space. I was sure that if the characters had been hetero-presenting, there would be less confusion and less perceived necessity to explicitly romanticise or sexualise the relationship for the audience. As a commonly straight-presenting bi woman, this felt exceptionally frustrating. There was something particularly galling about my character's relationship with the puppet never being read as platonic.

    This was never an issue with Jemima – she understood the relationship we were exploring, never expected or suggested we spoon feed an audience physical intimacy, and consistently offered perceptive and insightful comments on how the dynamics of the relationship impacted the audience. She had a fantastic ability to turn her questions back to us so we could consider what we wanted to share with the audience more deeply.

    Jemima too was so generous with her time and her thoughts, and I am deeply grateful for it.

  • Haeyoung reached out to me about working together on MA SIP over the easter break. We'd both had the sense for a while that our artistic interests overlapped, but hadn't had the opportunity to work with each other much during term one and two. I'm so glad she did, because working with her was wonderful.

    During the process, I once said to Haeyoung that the work would only have half its soul without her. This is absolutely true. Her contributions in terms of performance, dramaturgy, sonic and sensory scenography, puppetry, and thematic development cannot be overstated. We bounced ideas off each other, explored through play and experimentation, worked through our blocks and stagnant times, found moments of vivid connection and clarity. I could not have made this work with Haeyoung. Every rehearsal with her was a joy.

    Love you, Haeyoung. Can't wait to help with and see your MFA project.

  • Everytime we shared our work with the class, we were incredibly nervous. There definitely came a point in the process where Haeyoung and I were so deep in the work that it was very hard for us to be sure what was working, what was landing, or even what was good. The moments of sharing our work with friends, peers and tutors gave us really wide-ranging feedback across areas we'd been wondering about and those we'd not even considered. These moments were so important (and scary) – it was like opening a little window into the domestic space we were building and letting people look inside, knowing that what they'd see would be messy and unformed.

    They met us with honesty, candour and support, every time.

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